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  • Writer's pictureAll Things Melanin

The Value of a REAL Friend!

You can put a price tag on many things, but a real, down to earth, genuine friend is something that money can't buy. As we've gone on this journey and grown through life, one thing we've both realized is that a real friend is invaulable. Everyone wants to have a clique full of friends to do it for the snap or the gram, to call on, and to front with, but friendship is more than that.

A friend is the family you get to choose. You never really determine who your friends are until your back is up against the wall or you're down to nothing. When you actually go through some things, you find out whose genuine and real, and not phony and fake. A lot of times, people will stick around and call you their "friend" because of who you are or what you can do for them. So often, we call someone our friend because of how long we've known them or what they did for us way back when. And honestly, none of that equates to a good friend or friendship.

These last couple of years, we've both dealt with our fair share of ups, downs, and pitfalls. We've both been living life to the fullest, just turnt up, and we've both been low in terms of our feelings and state of mind. In both of these stages, some of the people who were there at are heights weren't there at our lows. And it got us both to thinking, "are they really my friend?" And if you have to ask that question, you already know what the answer is. 

Friendship will have peaks and valleys, just as life does. The testament of a friend is will they stand the test of time and be there for you. As humans, we're not perfect and never will be, but you can determine if a person is being genuine in their friendship or not. 

Things to think about ...

1. If I call or text, will my friend(s) answer?

2. Do I have to change who I am when I am around my friend(s)?

3. Can I trust my friends(s)  with a secret, my feelings, or just to confide in?

4. If something horrible happened, would your friend come to your aid or be by your side?

5. Does your friend(s) put the same energy into your friendship as you do?

6. Does your friend(s) support your dreams and ideas or belittle them?

7. Does your friend(s) suck all of the energy out of you?

8. Does your friend(s) encourage, motivate, or inspire you?

9. Do you find yourself being careful of what you say to and around your friend(s)?

10. Do you find yourself asking "is this person really my friend(s)?"

We could go on and on and on. Sit back and answer those questions and be honest with yourself. The truth of the matter is that wherever you are in life, you can't afford to have '"bad friends" around you. They are energy and life suckers, they will take everything out of you. It's not about who've you known the longest or was there when you were three. It's about who's been real and geunine in the present and hasn't switched up on you.

Friendship is give and take. There will be times where one person will have to take up more of the slack and that's ok. As weird as it sounds, friendship is a type of relationship that takes time and energy. A friend is many things. A friend is someone you don't have to question their loyalty whether they're around you or not. They have your best interest at heart, and they always have your back. They tell you when you're wrong and when you're right. They support you, encourage you, laugh with you, cry with you, and aren't afraid to pick up the slack when you can't or aren't able to.

There have been times in both of our lives where our friends have to pick us up and encourage us. There have been times where they've gotten us together in the most loving way. There have been times where our friends have just been there, no questions asked with a simple call or text.

Recently, we've both found ourselves asking these quesitons and having to evaluate those in our life. To be honest, we often use the word friend too loosely. Everyone isn't your friend and many pretend to be. 

It's so important to surround yourself with the right group of friends, because there is power in friendship. If it weren't for the friends we have, we don't know where we would be on our journey. It's not about how many friends you have, but the type of friends you have. We would take one or two real ones over 10 or more fake ones.

Evaluate those around you. It's nothing personal or acting different, it's making sure that you are careful of the people and energy you allow around you. And if you find that you have toxic people around you, let them go. You owe it to yourself to surround yourself with people that will be the type of friend to you that you are to them.

Remember, you are the most important person in your life and you act like the people you hang out with the most. A real friend is one of the most valuable and great things you can have, but a fake one could be the downfall of everything you've ever wanted. Let that sink in ...

Right or wrong, we're backing each other .(We would tell the other about themselves after LOL). Neither one of us are perfect or claim to be. If either of us called the other, texted the other or needed the other, we'd drop what we were doing and do what we can. Friendship is intentional and their isn't really an universal definition. But at the end of the day, you know if someone is a good friend to you or not, and if they're not, you owe it to yourself to leave them where you met them. 


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