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Dating 101: 7 Tips to Kill the Dating Game!


 Let's keep it real, dating is hard.


We define dating as when two people decide that they're mutually interested in one another and make the decision to get to know one another on a deeper, more personal level. Dating is both people making an effort to getting to know one another by taking the time to go out, ask questions, and see if they click. 


We live in a "situationship" and "nextflix and chill" type of society. So many people want relations without the relationship. That may be ok for some people but many of us do want to find that person whose just for us.  However, the road to get there is hard. Dating can be frustrating but we've all been there. You want to make sure you don't get all caught up in the excitement and miss apparent red flags. 


Here are 7 things to think about when dating..


1. Make sure you're complete on your own.

So many people rely on someone else to complete them. They put their happiness in another person. Here's the thing. No one can make you happy but you. That's something you have to do on your own. You have to be a complete, whole person by yourself. When you're complete on your own, you're able to bring everything and then some to the table. Also, you'll attract another whole person.  When you're complete on your own, your judgement isn't clouded, you can think for yourself, and more importantly you know and understand your value.


2. Be realistic.

At some point in our lives, we've made a list. You know "the list!" The list of our "perfect guy" and everything he has to do and be in order to be with you. Your "Mr. Right" won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for you. You're not perfect, so you can't expect him to be. Be realistic and be willing to be open to someone who may not have everything you want on your list. However, be sure he has the non-negotiables and the things that are important to you such as his religion, standards and values. You don't want to overreact and turn down a good guy.  However, you want to be sure that you're dating someone that you can build with and wants all of things you yearn for such as a family, career, etc.


3. Determine what characteristics are important to you and stick to it.

There are certain things that you need in a person for it to work. These are your standards and non negotiables. These are things that the other person needs to have to balance you out. Determine what characteristics you need from him when dating, pray on it, and stick to it. If he's great but he doesn't stack up to your standards, let it go. You can't build a foundation with someone who doesn't agree with you or wants the same things you want long term. Important characteristics could be: Is he a Christian, does he want a family, is he honest, trustworthy, etc .. the list goes on. But if he doesn't meet the important characteristics for you, it's ok to let it go and continue dating. The worst thing you could do is settle.


4. LISTEN.

Many times, a person tells us who they are, we just fail to listen and catch it. When dating, do talk and get to know the other person, but be sure to listen to him too. Listen to what he tells you, how he tells you and what he tells you. Men will talk, many times they don't because we don't listen. Sometimes we have to get that spirit of shut up for a minute or so and let him talk. Listen to what he doesn't say. Listen to the things that are important to him, his likes, his dislikes, his career, his hopes, dreams and whatever else you can get out of him. Does he sound sincere? Is he ambitious? Is this someone you want to continue to get to know? You can find out a lot of things by listening and asking probing questions from what he says.


5. Communicate effectively.

A lot of times, we want certain things and assume that whomever we're dating knows what we want and like. That's not the case. You all more than likely haven't built the foundation to your relationship yet so it's important to talk and communicate with one another. If something bothers you, tell him, if you want to get something off your chest, tell him, if he didn't do something right, tell him. The only way he will know is if you open your mouth and speak. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. It lays the foundaton for trust, honestly, and a happy relationship. Talk to him like you talk to your bestfriend. If the communication isn't there, then that's a problem.


6. Trust your Gut.

We get caught up in the "like" stage sometimes and forget to listen to our inner self, our gut. Your gut will never lie to you. If you have a nagging feeling that says something isn't right or maybe I should give him a chance, listen to it. Your gut wil not steer you wrong, trust it. It may be the biggest blessing or your worst nightmare. Allow your body and mind to tell you if someone is for you or not.


7. HAVE FUN!

Often times, we forget to have fun. One of the most important things when dating is can you have a good time together? Can you laugh together, feel comfortable, crack jokes, and be yourself? Although dating is the fact gathering stage, it's also the honeymoon type stage. Don't forget to have fun and enjoy each other's company!

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People do still date in 2018. If a guy cares about you and wants to get to know you, he will take the time to date and pursue you, point blank period. Just go with the flow and trust that if he is for you, he will be for you. He will take every opportunity to show you and do what he said he was going to ! So here's to dating and killing the game in 2018!

© 2023 All Things Melanin®

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